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February 2009
PPaccompic
Clive Graham-Ranger

Getting away from it all is less of an excuse and more of a reason why so many escape the heat and dust of the capital
One’s The Way To Go
Some roads have a magic all their own, such as Route 66. But you don’t need a fancy name and a song to represent people’s great escape

Highway 1 has bittersweet memories for most Khmers over a certain age. It was one of the main roads that foreshadowed the death knell of a generation at the hands of the Khmer Rouge. Several years later more armour crossed from Vietnam, drove the KR into the jungle and introduced the Cambodian people to another form of repression.
Today it is choked with trucks belching black smoke, overcrowded with cross-border buses and thousands of motos carrying everything from people and dead pigs to wedding dresses. Thankfully it also offers a handful of welcome boltholes away from the pollution, smell and noise of the city if you’re looking for somewhere to chill out for a few days and soak up some rays or spend a few hours in isolated splendour.
L’imprévu, 7km up Highway 1 after the Monivong Bridge, is one such oasis of calm and relaxation. Jacques Bayot and Norbert Delor took on the resort last December and have embarked on renovating it from building a new, open-air kitchen and redecorating its colourful and welcoming bungalows to creating a kiddies’ paddling area adjacent to the main swimming pool. Screening by established stands of trees and undergrowth means that the noise from one of the busiest roads in the province is not particularly obtrusive, despite its closeness. For such a welcome bolthole, abject minimalism seems to be the key message the joint owners seem to want to convey to existing and prospective customers, which is all very Gallic
Delor is an established artist whose work is not only on show in a Parisian gallery but also adorns several walls in the resort’s main bar and dining room. Bayot appears to be the culinary half of the management team, which is reflected in the large portions and extensive menu that offers lashings of pommes frites as well as excellent club sandwiches, roast chicken, lok lak and a host of other European and Khmer favourites alongside deep-fried fish from about $5-$10 and up. But check the salt and pepper pots before sprinkling, your taste buds could come in for a quite unwelcome surprise when brown should be white and fair takes your breath away.
There are several other places to stay along the length of Highway 1 within the bounds of Phnom Penh, but during my recce two quite palatial-looking buildings called K2 guesthouse and L’Eléphant Blanc resort were closed for refurbishment. The latter establishment advertised itself as being a mere “7km from the Monivong bridge” and boasted French and Khmer cuisine for the sophisticated palate. Quite a deal when the owners were asking only about $30 a night for two people sharing a cabin with breakfast thrown in and a swimming pool on the doorstep, so to speak. We will keep an eye on these developments, because from outward appearances through bolted gates and shuttered metal fencing we expect great and luxurious things . . . as perhaps do the owners and developers. There are also some quite mysterious places advertised on the roadside that do not throw out the welcome mat when you want to see the rooms. One, which shall remain nameless, had guard dogs down the driveway. Another, Mean Hong, though had a guard who was happy to show me around the pleasantly designed and nicely furnished bedrooms that were on offer for $5 for one or two hours. The afternoon delights could also be accompanied by roast chicken ($9) and deep-fried fish ($7) . . . plus a shuttered garage for your car to keep it out of the sun.

May 2008

Luke Young
As we head into the annual power cut season, here’s some advice designed to get you through the darkest of nights
Let There Be Light
Candle power reigns supreme in a country where blackouts can last for hours and the telly’s screen goes blank just as the big match kicks off

As most of you have noticed, except those considered by the governing authorities to be superior to the rest of us, Phnom Penh is once again facing its darkest hours as its resources of energy are pushed to the limit. To be fair, we were warned during the rainy season last year that during the hottest months of 2008 there would be rolling blackouts and power cuts.
The explanation given was that Phnom Penh is expanding too quickly and during the driest months the hydroelectric power plant, which relies mostly on rainfall, wouldn’t even be able to reach half its normal production capacity in the months when the sky is clear and bright.
I like to think that my former neighbour’s obsession with air conditioning, due to the fact he’s in the aircon business and just loves putting one on each blank length of wall, may also have something to do with our lack of power, but that is just plain jealousy. During the hottest months, air-conditioning usage is a lot higher than normal, especially as the middle class is out there spending more and more on electrical appliances than before.
Turning off all your electrical appliances when you leave the house or using one instead of three appliances in your home will contribute to conserving energy and prevent power cuts. If everyone were to turn off unused lights, computers, air conditioners, fans etc . . . the total amount of energy saved could potentially keep the power on regularly instead of it fluctuating between on and off.
Starting from noon, when the sun shines equally on all things from the middle of the sky, the use of fans and air conditioning increases rapidly, putting a serious strain on the city’s pensionable power plants.
Electrical failures have been a regular occurrence in Phnom Penh since liberation in 1979, when the power grid was partly restored and people flooded back into the city. So long-term residents are never caught without a bundle of candles as back-up when the power goes off. A dozen should cost you no more than about $1.50 or 6,000 riel. Small electric fluorescent lamps also come in handy, just so long as you remember to charge them for a few hours when the power supply returns.
Generators are relatively easy to come by, although I would suggest asking or paying a Khmer friend to buy one for you. There are many shops around the Central Market that sell generators of all shapes and sizes, ranging in price from $100 to tens of thousands if you want to keep your street or your landed estate in light. If you live a long way from the city, most out-of-town markets will sell generators, but the choice will be severely limited compared with Phnom Penh.
Some areas of the city will lose power more often than others due to the importance of individuals in the vicinity, a new power line or a lack of large businesses. If you find that your power seems to go off regularly for short periods and you don’t want to stay at home, go to the nearest Khmer barbecue restaurant and enjoy a cooling drink while you wait.
Last year, when the blackouts brought the city to a halt there was a rush of small Khmer businesses buying generators to ensure non-stop trade and banks of cooling fans. So rather than be in the dark, invest a few dollars in the drink of your choice and sit by a fan at your nearest barbecue restaurant.

_____________________________________________________

Feb 2008

Luke Young

So you just moved to Phnom Penh, or decided to stay and find an apartment to call home.
The Crib Crawl
Navigating the Phnom Penh real estate market can be a challenge.

If you’re a teacher, a budding entrepreneur or work for a local NGO you may have a limited amount of money to budget for an apartment, but don’t fret - Phnom Penh by most measures still has an affordable housing market
If you are on a tight budget explore areas further from the riverside where there are bargains to be had. I was lucky enough to have a network of Khmer friends who were more than happy to help me. As a matter of fact they wouldn’t leave me alone, hoping to help me find a place and receive a commission in the process. I was shown several places near the riverside for $200 a month, but decided after viewing several poorly lit options located down dark alleyways to settle for a large furnished apartment near the Russian Embassy for the princely sum of $150 per month. It was furnished, with a balcony, plenty of light, a roof deck and even a place to store my motorbike.
Word of mouth is a great option, so try to enlist the assistance of friends or co-workers, who may know of a nice place in your price range that just opened up. Prepare to negotiate too, though many Khmer landlords are looking for a fixed price depending on the market and demand. Negotiating is a challenge, and many won’t budge on the price, but it helps to being a Khmer friend along with you to help with the negotiation and to act as a translator. Make sure that all the necessary repairs are agreed upon before you sign your lease, and be aware that you may have to pay for any additional construction costs, such as the installation of air conditioning units, or changes to the structure of the apartment. Most landlords are willing to work with you and give you a fair price.
My friend Kich recently moved back to Phnom Penh. Needing to find a place near his work, he enlisted the help of a local real estate agent. Many cater to foreigners and will work within your budget and specific needs. “I walked into the office and the agent remembered me,” he said. He was shown a variety of places in his price range and settled on a furnished apartment near the Royal Palace for $230 a month. “Agents consider the needs of foreigners,” he said, from higher ceilings to furniture, and in some cases utensils, washing machines, and cleaning services included.
Utilities? Expect to pay between $30 and $50 a month for electricity depending on the season, or about 700 to 1000 per KWh of usage, and water should run around 15 percent of your total utility bill. You can ask your landlord to view a previous bill, and it is best to have easy access to your own meter. Cable television will run you about $5 per month, and there are now moderately priced internet services available.
Security is another important issue. A well-lit apartment with easy street access is ideal, especially for women living alone. Kich’s apartment has a double locked entryway, gated windows, and privacy curtains on his balcony. And if you have your own motorbike, look for a place where you can store it a night. And before you sign the lease, visit the place in the evening and take a look around. If you have concerns regarding your personal safety outside of your apartment you may want to consider something on a busier street. Phnom Penh is relatively safe at night and most residents go to bed early, but as with any city it pays to take sensible precautions.

Adapted Turtle

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Mother In Law

A husband and wife walked up to view the body of his mother-in-law at the funeral.

As he began to weep, his wife slapped him and said: “Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway!”

The husband replied, “I know, I thought I saw her move!!”

Smart Diagnosis Machine

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

When Santa Gets Annoyed

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist. How 'bout I send you a damn book so you can learn to read and
write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

******

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, pony, and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? What a fag name.

Santa

*******

Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

*******

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get in to our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself 'Marky.' That's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams!

Santa

******

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal.

Santa

******

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really, really want a fire truck this year.
Love,
Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

Rude Theater Guest

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied... "The balcony."

Almond Hotel
Business boutique with 56 rooms,
run by ManCo management company. Featuring 3 different food outlets.

128F, Sihanouk Boulevard - 012 910 022
[$$-$$$|CC]


Amber Villa
Family-run hotel near Independence
Monument, shopping, markets, exciting attractions, NGOs and government
offices. Khmer stylish decor rooms
with balcony and amenities including
in-room safe, DVD and Internet.

1A, St.57 - 012 929 128, 023 216 303
[$$-$$$|CC]
Anise Hotel
Comfortable boutique hotel set in a
popular area to the south west of
Independence Monument.

2C, St.278 - 023 222 522
[$$-$$$|CC]

Billabong Hotel
Comfortable, well-appointed rooms in the
heart of the city. Alfresco dining including poolside BBQ. Western facilities.

5, St.158 - 023 223 703
www.thebillabonghotel.com
[$$-$$$|CC]
Blue Lime
Recently-opened boutique hotel on a
quiet street with a great swimming pool.
42, St.19Z - 023 222 260
[$$|CC]
Boddhi Tree
Traditional Cambodian-style wooden
guesthouse with wonderful open balcony.
50, St.113 - 016 865 445
[<$-$]
Bougainvillier Hotel
Finely finished riverfront hotel,
stylishly decorated with all amenities
including ADSL internet.

277G, Sisowath Quay - 023 220 528
www.bougainvillierhotel.com
[$$$|CC]
Cambodiana Hotel
One of the city’s finest hotels, located
on the riverfront. Recently renovated.
313, Sisowath Quay - 023 426 288
[$$$|CC]
Hotel Cara
Centrally located, 51 uniquely designed
rooms with meticulously crafted furniture
made from local Ratanakkiri wood,
offering private balconies overlooking
the bustling urban metropolis, and
modern amenities to fit all your needs.

18, St.47 (at St.84) - 023 430 066
[$$-$$$|CC]
Del Gusto Café
Villa-style guesthouse with high ceilings
and beautiful hardwood floors.
43, St.95 - 012 446 710
[$$-$$$|CC]
FCC Phnom Penh
Rooms with all amenities in old colonial
building. DVD and internet access. Large balconies overlooking the riverfront.

363, Sisowath Quay - 023 724 014
www.fcccambodia.com
[$$-$$$|CC]
Flamingos Hotel
Mid-range hotel with comfortable rooms
located close to the centre of town.
30, St.172 - 023 221 640
[$$|CC]
Frangipani 60s
Architect-designed boutique hotel
on a quiet street, offering a unique,
well-priced accommodation experience, together with all amenities including a
laundry service and free WI-FI internet.

20R, St.252 - 012 687 717, 016 581 045
www.frangipanihotel.com
[$$]

Frangipani 90s
Architect-designed boutique hotel
on a quiet street, offering a unique,
well-priced accommodation experience, together with all amenities including a
laundry service and free WI-FI internet.

25, St.71 - 011 348 883, 016 581 045
www.frangipanihotel.com
[$$]

Frog & Parrot Inn
Budget guesthouse with a choice of
en-suite air-con or fan rooms from $8.
175, Sisowath Quay - 012 1909 685
[$]
Goldiana Hotel
Centrally located hotel with all amenities
- very popular with visiting NGO people.
10-12, St.282 - 023 219 558
[$$|CC]
Himawari Hotel
Luxury apartments on the riverfront,
geared towards long-term residents.
313, Sisowath Quay - 023 214 555
[$$$|CC]
Holiday Villa
Centrally-located, colonial designed
4-star hotel with modern amenities.
89, Monivong Boulevard - 023 990 999
[$$|CC]
Hope & Anchor
Spacious, elegant, fully-equipped rooms
with views across the Tonle Sap river.
213, Sisowath Quay - 023 991 190
[$$]
Imperial Garden Hotel
Superior rooms, suites and villas
overlooking the Tonle Sap river.
315, Sisowath Quay - 023 219 991
[$$$|CC]
Indochine 2
Basic, inexpensive guesthouse
located near the riverfront.
30, St.130 - 012 575 565
[<$-$]
InterContinental Hotel
One of the city's finest hotels with
a swimming pool and all amenities.
296, Mao Tsé Toung (Regency Square) - 023 424 888
[$$$|CC]
Juliana Hotel
One of Phnom Penh's premier business and
leisure hotels with a spa, salon and more.
16, St.152 - 023 880 530
[$$$|CC]
Last Home (The)
Now in a new location – the original
Last Home guest house has moved...
21, St.172 - 012 831 702
[<$-$]
Le Lyon D'Or
Popular, comfortable French-owned
guesthouse located just off the riverfront.
12-14, St.110 - 023 224 298
[$-$$|CC]
Hotel Le Royal
A fully restored classic hotel with spa,
swimming pool, shops and more.
St.92. by Monivong Blvd. - 023 981 888
www.raffles.com
[$$$|CC]
L’Imprévu
Bungalows with all amenities, swimming
pool, tennis courts, petanque and more.
National Rd 1, 6km after Monivong bridge
023 360 405
[$]
Manita
Quiet little guesthouse with a pleasant
breeze and a green, fresh atmosphere.
48, St.9 - 023 218 357
[$]
Manor House
Boutique guesthouse with pool in a quiet
area close to all amenities. Gay-friendly.
21, St.262 - 023 992 566
[$]
Nordic House
Apartments and rooms with AC, cable
TV and DVD, hot water and a balcony.
22, St.136 - 023 998 676
[$-$$]
One More Boarding House
Four quiet rooms with all facilities
including WI-FI, a flat screen TV and
a cosy pub downstairs. German owned.

16, St.294 - 017 327 378
[$$]
Pavilion (The)
Boutique hotel with all amenities and a
14m swimming pool. Free WIFI for guests.
227, St.19 - 012 344 258
[$$-$$$|CC]
Phnom Penh Hotel
Upscale hotel featuring superior rooms,
spa, swimming pool and all amenities.
53, Monivong Blvd - 023 991 868
[$$$|CC]
The Quay
Phnom Penh's first carbon-friendly hotel, centrally located right on the riverfront.
277, Sisowath Quay - 023 224 894
[$$$|CC]
Red Orchid
Two rooms available with fridge, TV,
CD player and free laundry service.
14B, St.278 - 016 777 681
[$]
Rory's Guesthouse
Irish pub and guesthouse, conveniently
located near the National Museum.
33, St.178 - 012 425 702
[$]
Rose Guesthouse
Beautifully appointed rooms with all
amenities located near the riverfront.
8, St.104 - 012 992 197
[$$-$$$|CC]
Royal Hotel
Good value hotel located on the riverfront.
Spa and massage services available.
383, Sisowath Quay. - 023 219 436
[$-$$|CC]
Scandinavia Hotel
One of the city's premier boutique
hotels with 16 immaculately furnished rooms. Great swimming pool and
a lush garden setting.

4, St.282 - 023 214 498
www.hotel-scandinavia-cambodia.com
[$$|CC]
Sokha Heng Guesthouse
Centrally located, featuring 21 spacious,
comfortable and elegant rooms.
29, St.178 - 023 990 077, 012 526 616
[$$]
Sunway Hotel
An international four-star hotel located
by Wat Phnom in the centre of the city.
1, St.92 - 023 430 333
[$$$|CC]
Tonle Sap Guest House
15 comfortable rooms with all amenities, including AC, TV, HW, bath and fridge.
24-hour pub and restaurant.
Only 50 metres from the riverfront (opposite the express boat port).

4-6, St.104 - 023 986 722
www.tonlesapguesthouse.com
[$-$$|CC]
Villa Langka
Boutique hotel with swimming pool in a quiet location near Independence Monument.
14, St.282 - 023 726 771
[$$-$$$|CC]
Walkabout Hotel
Popular mid-range hotel in centre of town
with 24-hour restaurant and two bars.

109, St.51 - 023 211 715
www.walkabouthotel.com
[$-$$|CC]
Winking Frog (The)
39 new rooms with a modern bar and restaurant downstairs. Great location.
Sothearos Boulevard (close to Almond Hotel)
023 356 399

[$-$$]
Woolly Rhino
Irish-owned and managed guesthouse,
bar and restaurant on the riverfront.
79, Sisowath Quay - 012 712 892
[<$-$] 

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