February 2009

Luke Young
Learner drivers are the bane of everyone’s life, whether you’re in the East or the West. Cambodia, though, is very different . . .
Not So Testing Time
So I decided to take the wheel and my future in my own hands and work way through that most arcane of trials, the ‘oh
it’s so Khmer’ driving test

If you’ve ever been stuck behind a vehicle that seems to be driving in drunken slow motion, you’re most likely to be behind either a student training vehicle or the average, driving school-educated local.
Miseducation is a better word for how most Cambodians drive, seeing as how the driving schools mainly just teach you where to put your feet instead of how to move your vehicle in a manner that is respectful of others.
The goal of each driving school is to ensure that every student leaving the instructor knows what the pedals on the floor are for. There is also a huge emphasis on parallel parking; it is a pass or fail depending on how well you accomplish it. In fact, driving school instructors have been known to make their students practice parallel parking until their hands are stained with the steering wheel’s residue.
When I took the course the only things I had to do in order to be considered a qualified driver was to drive over a little bridge, tell the teacher what the purpose of a sign with giant Stop letters on it meant and then parallel park between two grimy orange cones. It was so simple it just had to be a scam. They must have been holding my grandmother hostage, I thought, or having a laugh at the expense of another foreigner. But no, that was all I had to do.
When I went back into the Ministry of Transportation building to get my Khmer driver’s licence, I was immediately offered a piece of paper in Khmer which was the written test that I was told you must take.
I was then ordered to sit at a desk made for an under six-year-old child in a room covered in propaganda posters condemning drinking while driving or having six cows too many in your truck. I was with a crowd of people who were also being tested. It was as though we were filling out a prison form.
The first question went something like: if a wild Mongolian hare is running at a speed of 16km per hour that is being chased by a golden eagle flying at 25km per hour with only 1.096712km separating them, how long will it take for the eagle to catch the hare? It seemed unreal at the time and I just stared at each question not knowing if I should even attempt to answer them. Maybe it was a joke.
My favourite question (this truly was in the test) was how many centimetres must the average truck tyre be, and there were four choices all with one percentage difference. It was after that question that a military officer walked up to me, asked me with a sheepish grin if I knew the answer, then swiped the paper off my desk and vanished. I followed him until I lost him in a crowd of yelling people outside the reception office.
Worried this might turn into a scam to get money from me in order to finish the “free” test, I started asking questions of anyone looking like they worked at the ministry. Finally I received a useful answer. “Ah. Your Khmer isn’t perfect so the answers will be put on the test for you. Just have a seat and relax.”
So that’s what I did. I sat down at a miniature wooden desk and watched a man in military fatigues fill out the answers to my test. When he finished, he escorted me into the transportation office where I was greeted by the minister himself and given a glass of water. We had a pleasant conversation and I answered all the usual questions asked to a Khmer-speaking foreigner. Twenty or so minutes passed while we chatted away and, before I knew it, I was being wished good luck as a new driver and handed my temporary driver’s licence with the promise I’d get the plastic one in a fortnight. I was ready to hit the streets.

May 2008

Justin Garnett

I have been spending a lot of time driving to the south coast from Phnom Penh, which I had done previously on my 250cc bike. That was great. There was no such thing as a traffic jam and overtaking was pure joy, not a life-threatening act. However, now my wife is pregnant we are using a car – and things have changed. With four wheels under you it means not only taking several steps up the traffic food chain, but also it comes with a new set of challenges. You are now the hunter, not the hunted staring death or disability in the face.
The first thing I recommend you do is install “I am a truck, not a car” air horns. The effect is amazing. Watch the road ahead as the motos and general flotsam move over as you pound your Hornmaster 5000. Everybody else is doing it and it would seem horn blowing in Cambodia is a sport, with overloaded taxi vans winning the world championship. A horn is your best friend, use it.
Your second best friend is your rear-view mirror. As far as the driver behind you is concerned, it is your job to get out of the way . . . not his job to wait for a suitable and safe moment to pass. I can’t count the number of times I have watched a speck behind me turn into a Lexus that, when it roars past, scatters everything in its path. Its slipstream then sucks you into its vortex at a mind-numbing speed, which means swerving to avoid a child, buffalo or stray dog just as they become visible in the dust storm. Road edges are pretty random, so be aware of where you are in relation to that car-swallowing ditch alongside.
It is illegal here to use your headlights during the day, which from dusk onwards becomes “thou shalt use eye-stunning spotlights”. Cambodian roads lack the luxury of glowing-edge indicators, Cats eyes, lane dividers and wildlife fences, so by lighting up the road like a scene out of ET, drivers can ensure they see everything ahead before an accident is a certainty. Unfortunately they blind oncoming traffic, forcing it to slow down and move over. So get your own heavy duty candlepower lights . . . really, really big ones.
Music is also good, particularly if it’s louder than Concorde head-jarring sounds. Just as the marines drove their Humvees into Baghdad with Rage Against the Machine, so you too should equip your vehicle with some serious rock. Apart from its good-listening value, it will also help drown out the sound of all those horns, yours included.
Make a game of it. Pretend you are a US marine driving a Humvee in a war zone where everyone’s your enemy and a potential killer. With that kind of attitude the highway war will be won and you will be at your destination in no time, hopefully with no casualties but hey, war is hell, right?
Drive slowly, use your eyes, stay calm (I struggle with this one), don’t drive at night and you should be fine. Even better, don’t drive at all. Stay at home. Tell everyone you want to watch a good video . . . such as Bullitt or Duel, that freak-out suspense movie starring Dennis Weaver and the unseen driver of a 16-wheeler.

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Feb 2008

William Lafferty

Cambodia is changing quicker than a Phnom Penh street light.
Facelift
Yes, it still has this and it still has that, but it has also become more stable and safe.

The economy continues to move in the right direction, and there are no signs of civil unrest. With stability comes infrastructure, and with infrastructure come tourists - Cambodia attracted in the region of two million tourists last year. Just a few years back it was roughly half that. So it seems that people not only feel that it's safe to come here, but that they want to see Cambodia - the real Cambodia.
If you want to see the country these days it's a breeze compared to ten years ago, or even five. Before, intrepid explorers used buffalo, a horse and cart or, God forbid, their own two feet, and there were few cars to be seen in the capital city, let alone the provincial areas. A few years back, and arguably still today, the off road dirt bike was the way to get to see the outskirts of town, the mountain terrain, or the rarely seen temples. Now, with a mostly paved national road system, the choice is yours - not only what you want to see, but also how you want to see it.
The most common, least expensive way to get to a location is with one of the many bus companies that run throughout the country, but they'll basically only get you from one town to the other, with little in between. You can also hire a taxi, which will get you to the same places in a quicker manner, although I'd recommend wearing your seatbelt and a diaper (and perhaps a blindfold), especially if you opt for a shared ride - don't be surprised if there's an extra passenger shoehorned between the driver and his door, for example.
Unless of course you want to take a tour. Now I'm not talking about 150 people stuffed into a bus reeking of patchouli oil and God knows what else, I'm talking about an adventure. While you could sit around at Cali 2 or any one of the myriad bars by the riverside, and listen to a plethora of bike riders who have been and seen things others only dream of, you could instead opt to get out and see it all for yourself.
First is the dirtbike tour, of which there are many types available, from a gentle two-day cruise on graded dirt through to a hard-core, ten-day challenge that will leave all but the fittest and most experienced riders struggling to keep up. Several companies offer tours, usually departing from Phnom Penh, and can usually provide bikes, helmets and so on if required. Red Raid Tours, operating out of the Bike Shop on Street 302, is Western-run and has a wide range of options available - just call and ask to speak to Bernard.
Instead of dirt in your teeth, bruised ego and genitalia, or even a flight out of here if things go badly wrong, how about a little comfort instead? Harley Cambodia is a new set-up that allows the rider to cruise around the country on one of four different road hogs. With the option of five different tours (at the time of writing), or a customised itinerary to fit your wallet or time frame, the rider can see almost any part of the land with a guide, a backup for safety, and accommodation pre-booked. No hassles, just comfort.
A less conventional method is by air. Ultralights can and will get you to pretty much any part of the country you desire. Swooping across Oudong, buzzing the trees of the Cardamom mountains, or even a simple river run, will certainly give you a rush, and an experience that won't soon be forgotten. These sturdy craft operate just outside of Phnom Penh (about 16km past the airport) and, like other aircraft, have to consider the weather when making plans, so keep this in mind when booking a trip (strong winds are not a good match).
For further information, see the listings in our Leisure Directory starting on page 38, or go online and visit:
www.motorcycletourscambodia.com, www.wingsovercambodia.com, www.harleycambodia.com